Dr. Saltz is a renowned psychoanalyst, columnist, bestselling author, and television commentator who Tom Brokaw has regarded as "a voice of wisdom and insight in a world of confusion and contradictions." You might recognize Dr. Saltz from any of her repeated appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show, ABC’s The View, Dateline, ABC’s 20/20 and Primetime, Fox New's Bill O’Reilly and Glen Beck, CNN’s Larry King Live and Anderson Cooper 360, HLN’s Jane Velez-Mitchell and Joy Behar, among others. She has also been featured or quoted in the Associated Press, Newsweek, O Magazine, Parade, Redbook, Woman’s World, Town & Country, New York Magazine, The New York Times, The New York Daily News, The New York Post, The Los Angeles Times, and WebMD.
Dr. Saltz also hosts a series entitled "Strength of Mind" at the famed 92nd Street Y where she interviews celebrities and extraordinary individuals about psychologically interesting issues. To date, she has spoken with such luminaries as Woody Allen, Tom Brokaw, Katie Couric, Jane Pauley, Howie Mandell and Rosie O'Donnell, among others. She is an Associate Professor of Psychiatry at The New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, a psychoanalyst with The New York Psychoanalytic Institute and manages a private practice on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. I mentioned before that Dr. Saltz is a best-selling author, so be sure to check out all of her fascinating books and articles on a wide variety of issues (including a weekly column on MSNBC.com addressing questions about all kinds of relationships).
Between keeping appointments with doctors, filling prescriptions, sticking to a medical regimen, and getting enough rest, coping with illness can feel like a full-time career. Add in work, school, volunteering, or maintaining relationships with family and friends, and it's hard to see an open space for dating. And then once you're on the date, a plethora of new concerns arise: When and how is the right time to bring up my illness? How can I make the other person feel comfortable? In the midst of falling for someone, how can I still do what's right for my body (i.e. ending the night earlier)? Dr. Saltz said, "In the dating world, it's really about when you choose to discuss the topic of illness. It's important to be thoughtful about when might be the best time; not disclosing this part of yourself too early or waiting too long." She also emphasized the importance of communication, even in these early stages. Since it's easy for people to take things personally (especially in the beginning), we shouldn't be insecure about explaining the real reason we may need to call it an early night. After all, if that person doesn't care to listen, then you've dodged a bullet anyway.Just as with any stressor, Dr. Saltz says that the key to a functioning, long-term relationship in the face of chronic illness is good communication. She explained, "If a couple is able to communicate about and cope with illness, it's really a testament to the overall skills of that couple." We also discussed the anxiety surrounding chronic illness. Dr. Saltz explained, "Often when you're anxious about your illness, you tend to project that on to your partner...since you have the experience of being uncomfortable, you believe your partner will be uncomfortable too. Of course, you haven't asked them. The only way to know is to ask. It is equally important that both partners are able to be open about his/her feelings and concerns, so Dr. Saltz suggests a way that the sick partner may choose to invite honesty from their significant other. One might simply ask: "I'm thinking I'd like to talk to you more about something, but how do YOU feel?" She went on to say, "For the caretaker, it's often very difficult to say anything about their needs...they can feel so overwhelmingly guilty, not entitled, and concerned about keeping the focus on the patient. However, both partners need to give and receive; getting to stand in both shoes is important."
Of course, chronic illness can strike both males and females, and each gender must cope with certain insecurities about their health. Dr. Saltz reminds us, "people tend to underestimate how insecure men can feel. They can be just as insecure about how their bodies look and perform as women can be. Physically speaking, men have added pressure. If they're anxious about the sex act it will effect their erection and then they may start to avoid intimacy altogether." There is also the added factor of societal pressures. Dr. Saltz continues, "Admitting when there is pain can be very difficult and is seen as a factor of masculinity. Today's 30 something’s might have an easier time being open than today's 60 something’s because our society is becoming more open, but still there is the very real concept that real men don't complain and can tolerate pain. Men often don't want to go to the doctor and this can also be a real struggle for a couple."
Here are some websites associated with Dr. Saltz that may be of further interest:
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